Everything this person has written for TUNETHEPROLETARIAT

I wanna do right by you

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Jimmy Eat World – Get It Faster

They rode.

First by jeep. The 24-year-old girl they’d commissioned to act as guide piloted the machine, heading out into the endless Mongolian desert. There were no roads. Just directions. The guide seemed to know which direction would end up somewhere.

With no landmarks, no hills, no foliage, they could see the gers, like mini habitable silos, for hours before they eventually came close enough to get out. Just miles (or was it kilometers, G. thought, or does it even matter when measurements mean nothing and the numbers are infinite?) of watching the ger get slightly bigger on the horizon.

Don’t knock. That’s rude. Just pop your head in the little flap, smile, and give a little wave. The family will already have begun tea for you.

On the third day they came across a van. The front axle had broken, the windshield shattered, front end sunk low into the sand like a bad overbite. Wordlessly they pulled out a blanket. Everyone placed what food and drink they had out on the blanket and began the picnic. Dried goat from a jar, rancid mare’s milk, some tea. R. offered a bottle of vodka from his backpack and faces lit up. It was high noon.

They drove one of the stranded van’s passengers to the nearest hut, where a motorbike carried him to a city.

R. and G. and the guide – they rode.

At the last ger of the day, a 14-year-old boy and his 17-year-old sister lived alone. Well, as alone as you can be with 2,000 sheep and hundreds of horses. Horses outnumber humans 13-1 in Mongolia. The father had taken the mother to the city’s hospital, and the boy and girl herded alone. No matter, they’d begun the tea.

In the tent pitched next to the teenagers’ ger R. and G. laid down. G. felt his thigh under the covers. It had been a while. “C’mon,” she said.
He rolled over.
“Tomorrow,” he murmured, “we ride.”

On horseback this time. The jeep could not handle the mountain ranges.

Up and through and over and down they galloped and clopped and stumbled and lurched. For two days. The summer desert warmth gave way to a chill.

“Can we stop?” G. asked. “I want to put on my jacket.”
“No,” said the guide. Then, thinking about it, “No.”

Through valleys and around mountains and toward an isolated people hardly anyone in the civilized world had ever met, only a few dozen remaining. Mongolia’s drop in total fertility rate is the steepest out of any country in the world.

“Can we stop now?” G. asked, shivering in her short-sleeved shirt.
“No,” said the guide. Then, thinking, “Okay.” She handed G. the bottle of vodka without dismounting. “Drink.” G. took a swig.

“Now,” the guide said, putting the bottle back in her pack, “we ride.”

[Bleed Mongolian.]

RISE IF YOU’RE SLEEPING STAY AWAKE

Written by

The Mountain Goats – High Hawk Season

I shower with the door open, the loud speaker hum accompanied by the patter of water on tile, whistling as I scrub.

[Spray our dreams on any surface where the paint will stick.]

The middle of a lovesick lullaby

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Had their way with your wife a lil’ bit

Written by

David Bazan – Wolves at the Door (KUT Radio Recording)

I’ve been sick. I wake up in the middle of the night coughing and hitting my chest to spit out the mucus clogging my throat. At night, when I lie down, I think it’s very possible I won’t wake up. It’s ok, I’m not too bummed out by the idea of dying; I feel miserable enough not to care too much.

I almost died later this afternoon too. Walking to get a late dinner (personal rule: put on clothes and leave the house every day, even when sick) I tripped near a gutter jutting four feet deep into the ground. I realized that yesterday I wouldn’t have had the strength to catch myself before falling in.

It seems such a waste to die alone in a gutter if not intoxicated.

At the small restaurants near me, the waiters look terrified and panicked whenever I sit down, uneasy with their English. In this Indian/Malay/Western food place, I slip into Malay without really thinking about it, and the waiter looks greatly relieved. He prances off to fetch a menu (why not just bring that in the first place if you fear a communication breakdown?) and the drinks I ordered.

Quietly I chew my murtabak and sip my Milo, only bothering to look up when the news shows highlights of a Standard Liege match.

I saw nurses gathering at the joint next door yesterday, which makes sense with the hospital just across the street, but today a patient walks in. The connecting hub of his peripheral IV line has a white bandage around it. His green hospital outfit is open at the chest, and I can see a few lonesome hairs. In one hand he holds a cigarette, in the other a white drink in a plastic bag, probably Horlicks.

Overall he looks calm, like he frequently steps out for a cig and some roti bakar (two pieces of toast with butter and some sort of Marmite, available for RM 1.40 (0.45 USD) a pop). His mustache is flecked with gray. Silently, he drops his cigarette on the tile floor in the middle of the restaurant and steps on it with a sandaled foot. The waiter next to him doesn’t seem to mind.

Behind them, an old Chinese man has one hand two knuckles deep into a plate of rice, the other holding a cigarette with an inch of ash perfectly still, the smoke wafting slowly around his ears.

Further down the road from the hospital looms the pink cement walls of the prison, the city and its hawker stalls pressed right up against the exterior walls. The location will surely prove fortuitous if I ever break the law and injure myself in the process.

On the walk home, dogs bark at me from behind gates and along the street. I make the same kissing noise used around here to hail waiters or pacify animals or, occasionally, catch the attention of pretty girls, if you’re a misogynistic jerk like that. [YOU’RE A GODDAM FOOL, AND I LOVE YOU.]

Stay with him if you can, but be prepared to bleed

Written by

James Blake – A Case Of You (Joni Mitchell cover)

Here’s what freaks me about about modernity: How I perceive the events of my life has been affected by how narrative arcs are formed in movies. My grandfather looks at his own story differently than I do my own because of the influence of media. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to look out of his eyes. But I can’t. All I’ve got are my own. And, though I may envy the more “pure” experience he’s had, I can do things he can’t.

I can pause.

Movies have show us that time, or at least our perception of time, is malleable. We can make ourselves busy enough to help it speed by. We can skip months with just the visual cues of a weather change or a growing belly. And we can slow down the good moments.

Saturday was my first day of unemployment. James’ call woke me up into a hangover, and we congregated at a buddy’s place on the beach.

After the first round of Korean BBQ and enough cheap whiskey to numb my headache, I reclined in the beach chair, and I paused. The wind bent the trees around us, ruffled the bushes, combed through my thinning hair. I couldn’t smell any salt. Jelivia cut mushrooms with a pair of scissors. Bob fed one to his ladyfriend with chopsticks, her tongue sticking out comically and decidedly unromantically to receive it. Ming squatted in his sandals to fan the charcoal with a Styrofoam plate. I looked up into the cloudless sky and the buildings jutting up into it.

The moment passed, eventually; time always wins out. But that memory, yeah I guess it’s pure enough for me, for this generation. [Blue / ST]

Customized eHarmony.com profile

Written by

Cat Stevens – The First Cut Is The Deepest

Favorite emotion: Nostalgia

Most commonly felt emotion: Shame

Most analyzed emotion: Loneliness

Favorite color: Pink

Color of eyes: Gray

Color seen the moment eyes are closed tightly: Violet

Color grandmother mistakenly took as preferable and, as such, the hue of the curtains she purchased for a Christmas present, because those first few forays into sarcasm were lost on most/all: Brown

Amount of enjoyment gleaned from each glance at those hideously fecal-colored curtains, left hanging for years afterward: 68%

Amount of happiness the preteen version experienced overall: 82%

Amount of happiness left now: 42%

Amount of heart available to give a potential lover: 37% on a good day

Amount of cities lived in for at least the extent of a week in the past four months: 12

Number of months since the realization hit that a transient lifestyle is irrevocably damaging to even the sturdiest of relationships: Nine

Time left before a hometown is chosen and roots set: ???

Number of lies told about meaning behind tattoo, simply because the real one takes too long to explain in the normal flow of conversation: Three

Extrapolation of the total number of lies told about tattoo this year, given its age at two months: 18

What this makes you: Liar

Where liars go: Hell

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Marry me?

[Baby, I know.]

Driving eyes closed

Written by

Iron & Wine – Godless Brother In Love

I’ve been having troubles praying.

What does one tell an omniscient being? As a child, I tended to use prayers as a verbal diary. But God already saw all of it happen; why waster her (infinite) time by retelling it?

(I prefer the maternal characteristics of God, so mine is a woman. And goddam her rack is divine.)

Other times I just show up with a list of requests/demands. I scrawl down a shopping list and pray it off one by one. Here, God – take your pick between a better job situation, a clearer idea with what I’m doing with my life next month, happiness, maybe a hot ladyfriend?, and a parking spot. (That last one’s not actually such a frivolous request in San Francisco.) Oh wait, let me throw a cure for cancer on the list too. And don’t forget all of Africa and that rape will go away. Not world peace, though, that’s just cliche. OK, genie God, if you’re going to grant one of my wishes, I’d suggest the rape one, but I really hope you ignore that for one more day longer and do the parking one. Or at least the ladyfriend one – we can just drive away together before I park, that’s fine.

I end up feeling too demanding if all I’m praying about is to ask for stuff, so I try to fill in other things. Maybe praise? I hear she’s egotistical and loves that. “Dear God, you’re super swell. Given my monotheistic upbringing, you’re the best god in the whole wide universe!”

Then, of course, I get distracted thinking about how God feels. She’s up there in heaven anyways, where my actions can’t actually make her any happier. Is heaven just constant ecstasy, a thousand simultaneous orgasms? Or is God more like a warm mist of contentment, the satisfaction of knowing things are going exactly according to plan?

My main problem, I think, is how to address God. “Dear” sounds too formal and stuffy, like I’m writing a pen-pal on an a loudly clanking typewriter and might use “forsooth” in my next paragraph. “Hey” is far too familiar, and reminds me that my writing has no range, that I can only do the diction of a middle-class American convincingly. Ditto “wassup.”

Sometimes I ask God how she’d like me to address her, if there’s a preference or maybe a non-offensive standard. I wait in silence for a reply. Does that silent meditation count as prayer? I wonder if yoga is a form of prayer. Then I think about doing yoga with Brie, and how we drank honeyed whiskey which reminded me of amber nectar. I walked home in the rain, and the tiny beads were refreshingly freezing on my forehead.

. . . Oh shit, none of these thoughts are prayers.

“Dear God, help me stay on track. Help me to . . .” Whoa, is that an open parking spot? [Kiss Each Other Clean.]

One-way transmission

Written by

Bloc Party – We Were Lovers

Dillon’s facebook profile was bare, lacking even a picture, except for the interests section. It read: One-way Transmissions.

He wasn’t exactly sure where he learned of the idea. Maybe he first thought it up while swinging upside down on the monkey bars, wondering about the people who sent messages in bottles. What if someone read it, but the author never got the reply? Was the message any less powerful if it had touched the reader?

Dillon decided it was even more meaningful then, imbued with a heart-breaking loneliness; trees in the woods let out an horrifying shriek when they fall and no one is around to hear.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower was, of course, Dillon’s favorite book. He sent his first message in a bottle aged 10. He hadn’t fastened a top, so it sank as he watched, but that didn’t deter him. Maybe someone lived at the bottom of the pond and would find it.

Everyone needs to find ways of filling the time from one sleep to the next. Instead of wasting them staring at pixels morphing on a screen, like you or me, Dillon sent transmissions. He scrawled them with sharpie on index cards and slid them into library books. He found addresses in Hong Kong and Tokyo and mailed lengthy letters with no return address. Once he wrote a 90-page novella about a lonely bull-fighter who wishes the bull would spear him so that at least a doctor would touch him and ask how he feels. He clanked it out on a typewriter over the course of three sleepless nights, shoved the only copy in a manila envelope, and shipped it to an address he had found in Prague.

Eventually, like with all pursuits, Dillon grew out of his hobby. It was a gradual thing. He started making more friends, life introduced him to stressors, there was just less of him emotionally to share with strangers. By the time he went to college, Dillon was a socially competent, albeit nerdy, kid, and he hadn’t sent a one-way transmission in over a year.

Then one day, back from class, he stopped by his mailbox – one tiny cubbyhole in a wall of hundreds. He twisted his key and distractedly pulled out the wad of junk mail. When he got to his room, he threw the pile onto his keyboard. One postcard slipped and fell to the floor, so he picked it up. On the front was a nondescript beach. On the back, someone had written in big block letters: HEY. No return address.

[A Weekend In The City.]

Just to take the edge off, just to get the glow

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I climb to lose you

Written by

tUnE-yArDs – Bizness

Expressions picked up on my travels:

  • Shit show
  • Day-drinking
  • Slapdicking
  • Slut sack
  • [Bidnez.]